When I started this journey last July, I took a good, long look at myself in the bathroom mirror (I don’t own a full-length mirror. I probably would have avoided it like the plague so it’s just as well). I may have been in denial about how much weight I’d gained but there was no denying that my upper arms were bigger than they’d ever been and my stomach looked like I was in my sixth or seventh month of a phantom pregnancy. The first thing I thought when I saw that was, “Oh my God, I’m going to have a crap load of loose skin once I get to goal.” I think that is one of the major fears of every fat person on a diet. (I don’t really like the word “diet” but it’s easier to type than “weight loss program” or “lifestyle change” every single time.)
I’ve been fortunate. In the past, whenever I had a significant weight loss or when I exercised enough to lose a good number of inches, my skin always managed to bounce back and I didn’t really have anything loose or jiggling (except my damn upper arms, an issue I’ve had since I was in my late teens). But that was then…this is now. In July of 2017, I was 56 years old, had been sedentary for almost five years, and was heavier than I had ever been. Losing weight at this stage of my life almost certainly meant loose skin once I hit goal. I knew that exercise would help tighten stuff up but given what I was seeing in the mirror, I was a little skeptical. Also, at that time in my life, my breathing was so bad, the idea of walking from my building to the corner was frightening. (I did start walking but not until mid-September, when I’d lost about 25 pounds and had been taking my meds for a little over two months.) Once I started walking, I found that my skin was tightening up. I was both very surprised and very pleased. Maybe things wouldn’t be so jiggly after all, but, still, I took that with a grain of salt.
I troll Instagram and look at pictures of people who were brave enough to post selfies of themselves shirtless or in a bathing suit when they were at their heaviest as well as their “after” photos. Some of them have little or no loose skin and I tip my hat to them. They are very lucky. Some of them have a lot of loose skin but they seem to be coping with it. I totally applaud those folks, first for posting those photos – that’s a courageous act in this age of anonymous assholes who have tons of nasty things to say while hiding behind their computers – and second, for pursuing their goal despite the skin that started to hang off them once they’d lost a significant amount of weight.
I read comments from people who are terrified of having loose skin and are talking about having surgery as soon as they hit goal. For a while, once I started losing weight so quickly last summer, I was one of those people. Because I’d lost my first 20 pounds in two months, I was worried that I would continue to lose quickly and wind up with tons of loose skin. Now, mind you, losing weight quickly sounds like a wonderful thing but, given past experience, it’s not, really. Most times, when you lose a lot of weight quickly, the minute you take your eye off the ball and stop following your program, the weight creeps back and it often brings friends. Folks don’t seem to understand that the hardest part of losing weight is maintaining that loss. While I’m not exactly thrilled to be at a plateau and watching my weight creep up by a few pounds because of my issues with insomnia, I’m grateful that my weight loss slowed down after September. I’d rather be a turtle and lose the weight slowly and steadily than be a hare and drop it quick, which could lead to becoming really jiggly and put me in danger of gaining it back because I’ve stopped paying attention. Since I have no plans on dying anytime soon, and it took me a few years to put on almost 100 pounds, I figure I can take a year or so to reach my goal. Hell, I’m already a third of the way there.
So, what am I going to do about the loose skin that I am certain I’m going to wind up with? After all, I’m almost 57 years old now and skin doesn’t bounce back as easily or as much when you’re this age as opposed to someone who is in their 20’s or 30’s. Well, I’m not going to do a bloody thing. If I have loose skin on my stomach or my thighs, clothes can easily camouflage that. My days of wearing short skirts and high heels are long over; besides, because of the not-so-attractive knee replacement scars, I wear dresses and skirts that go below the knee so they aren’t so noticeable. And these days, I spend most of my time in sweats or yoga pants. I’m also not going to be getting naked with anyone in the future so I’m totally not worried about that. My only concern in terms of loose skin is my arms…and that damn wattle under my chin. I don’t tolerate the hot weather very well so I like to wear short sleeves or, when it’s Hell-level hot, sleeveless tops. I have a lot of loose skin on my upper arms now – I can’t imagine how bad it’s going to look once I get to goal. Observe:
This was taken on August 25th of last year. My son and I went to Coney Island in Brooklyn, NY to celebrate his birthday. The day was very warm and muggy so something with sleeves was out of the question, even a t-shirt. It was too hot for anything with sleeves, for me at least. I had lost about 20 pounds in this photo. Look at my arms. Talk about jiggly. Oh my God. If they look like that after a 20 pound loss, I don’t even want to think about how they’re going to be after 150 pounds. Now, as for my wattle, please observe again:
Oh my God! Why is this woman laughing?!? Anyway, I direct your attention to that mess I’ve got under my chin. That is major problem area number two, and I have no way of knowing if it will get better (read: smaller) as I continue to lose weight.
Why, you may ask, am I freaking out about those two particular areas? Because my face and my arms are what people immediately see, especially in warm weather. If I’m self-conscious about them now, can you imagine how I’m going to feel once I get to 195 or below? I don’t give a rat’s ass about the rest of my body; that’s always covered up, for the most part. Maybe once I lose all the weight, I’ll wear shorts, but I’m more of the Bermuda shorts type – always have been – but even more so now because of the scars on my knees. I mean, if I need to buy Spanx to keep the potential jiggling at a minimum, so be it. That’s totally fine. But they don’t make Spanx for the upper arms!!!! Depending on how they look when I’m at goal, surgery may be my only option. The problem with that is surgery to get rid of extra skin on the upper arms is not considered medically necessary and, therefore, is not covered by insurance. If I want my stomach done, the case for it being medically necessary can be made and your insurance will pay. So, for the moment, it looks I’m shit out of luck with that option. Sigh.
Is any of that going to stop me from pursuing my goal? Nope. I’ll just have to live with wearing stuff with short or elbow length sleeves in the summer. Losing this weight, getting healthy and prolonging my life are the important reasons behind this journey. How I’ll look on the day I reach goal is just an added bonus. I’m not going to make myself crazy over it. It took me a while to reach this mindset but here I am and here I’ll stay.
Having surgery to remove excess skin is a very personal decision and not one to be taken lightly. If your doctor can make the case to have it considered medically necessary, great but I would still think long and hard about it. I’ve heard stories about people who’ve regretted having it done. It’s major surgery and, in some cases, a person will need more than one. There’s also the recovery period to think about. And the scars, yipes! Personally, I have enough scars on my body already, thank you. If I could afford the surgery for my arms, I would probably consider it but I’m not going to obsess over it (despite the fact that I obsessed about it throughout this whole post. I’ll get over it, I promise!). Just think carefully and research the hell out of the surgery and the doctor who performs it.
Until next time, remember: every day is a chance to hit that reset button…
The Reset Button: A WW Journey 